


decaf

by evotter



Series: u got games on yo phone??? [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anotha one, F/M, Muggle AU, Social Media AU, james and lily are sickening, lily has a Caffeine problem, no matter how hard i try i can never include pete as much as i probs should, read it u wont regret it, some easter eggs to my other fics bc i love those parallels!!!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 12:49:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17560700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evotter/pseuds/evotter
Summary: Lily Evans to Remus Lupin: what did the australian pirate say by way of greetingRemus Lupin: Enlighten meLily Evans: arrrrrrrgh g’day m8iesRemus Lupin: I’d block u if I knew how





	decaf

**Author's Note:**

> LOL just keep spitting these out dont i

_Lily Evans_ to _Remus Lupin_ : what did the australian pirate say by way of greeting

 _Remus Lupin:_ Enlighten me

 _Lily Evans:_ arrrrrrrgh g’day m8ies

 _Remus Lupin_ : I’d block u if I knew how

\---

 _James Potter_ changed the group name to _remus is a TRAITOR_

 _Remus Lupin:_ Don’t be dramatic

 _Sirius Black:_??/ wha  happun

 _James Potter:_ he talks to evans more than i do

 _James Potter:_ and yet NEVER puts in a good word for me

 _Sirius Black:_ maybe if you’d stop being such a weak bitch and actually talk to her

 _Sirius Black:_ we wouldn’t be having this problem

 _James Potter_ changed the group name to _sirius and remus are TRAITORS_

 _James Potter:_ pete ur all ive got left

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ noooooo don’t put that pressure on me!!! u know i don’t do well under stress

 _James Potter:_ ugh

 _James Potter:_ remus why cant u just be a good mate

 _Remus Lupin:_ I am

 _Remus Lupin:_ I’m not just friends with Lily to put in a good word for u

 _Remus Lupin:_ I am actually her friend. And ur crush on her is not really my business. So I’m not going to get in the middle of it for u.

 _James Potter:_ ugh

 _James Potter:_ remus why do u have to be the smartest in the group

 _Remus Lupin:_ Because someone has to have some kind of moral compass in this group.

 _Sirius Black:_ i take full offense to that

 _James Potter:_ btw can someone come in at 4 fenwick called off sick and i cant make all these coffees on my own

 _James Potter:_ i may have 4 eyes but i dont have 4 hands so plz

\---

 _Lily Evans_ to _Remus Lupin:_ so ive been thinking

 _Lily Evans:_ about our pirate friend

 _Lily Evans:_ i think hes got a pet kangaroo instead of a parrot, yeah, and in the heat of battle he releases his kangaroo to kick the shit out of everyone

 _Remus Lupin:_ Lily are u okay

 _Lily Evans:_ yes

 _Remus Lupin:_ Did u drink coffee again

 _Lily Evans:_ yes

 _Remus Lupin:_ U were supposed to kick that

 _Lily Evans:_ uhghhhhh i TRIED

 _Lily Evans:_ but petunia kept me up until like 3am talking about stupid fucking wedding plans

 _Lily Evans:_ and my sleep deprived body took me to the cafe before i could even process what was happening

 _Remus Lupin:_ Lily u had just gotten over the migraines

 _Lily Evans:_ i KNOW

 _Lily Evans:_ dont shame me remus i was trying so hard

 _Lily Evans:_ and its not like potter’s gonna stop giving me coffee yknow

 _Lily Evans:_ help im literally subconsciously walking to the cafe right now im never going to live a caffeine free life i embrace that now

\---

 _Remus Lupin_ to _James Potter:_ Are u at work?

 _James Potter:_ yea always

 _Remus Lupin:_ Do me a favor

 _Remus Lupin:_ Lily’s coming in

 _Remus Lupin:_ DO NOT give her coffee under any circumstance

 _Remus Lupin:_ Unless it’s decaf

 _James Potter:_ shes not going to order coffee anyway isnt she trying to stop drinking caffeine

 _Remus Lupin:_ Yeah that plan drastically failed as of this morning

 _Remus Lupin:_ So just do it for me

 _Remus Lupin:_ Also, this gives u an excuse to actually talk to her about something so ur welcome

\---

 _Lily Evans_ to _Remus Lupin:_ u fucking TRAITOR

 _Remus Lupin:_ Wow that seems to be a common name for me

 _Lily Evans:_ i mean i love u thank u for doing that to me

 _Lily Evans:_ but ur a traitor telling potter about my caffeine addiction :-(

 _Remus Lupin:_ I only did it because I care

 _Lily Evans:_ what makes u think i wont just go to another cafe

 _Remus Lupin:_ Because there isn’t another cafe within reasonable walking distance of ur house and it’s I know ur not that desperate

 _Lily Evans:_ i can buy coffee from the market

 _Remus Lupin:_ U have no money

 _Lily Evans:_ shit

 _Lily Evans:_ u got me

 _Remus Lupin:_ Exactly

 _Remus Lupin:_ I have teas u can have that are caffeine free

 _Lily Evans:_ nah its fine

 _Lily Evans:_ ill just stick with my shitty decaf coffee :-(

 _Lily Evans:_ i mean actually its rly good but decaf :-(

 _Remus Lupin:_ U will thank me later when Petunia stops talking shit about u

 _Lily Evans:_ lol she’ll never stop doing that

 _Lily Evans:_ but i’ll thank u later when i dont have a raging caffeine addiction

\---

 _James Potter_ to _Lily Evans:_ just so u know there are literally signs in the cafe telling my coworkers not to give u coffee

 _James Potter:_ its literally a picture of u and it says ‘no caffeine’

 _Lily Evans:_ is it a mugshot

 _James Potter:_ was that a pun

 _Lily Evans:_ god no

 _James Potter:_ im disappointed in u

 _Lily Evans:_ its really not that deep tho

 _Lily Evans:_ remus is just overreacting

 _James Potter:_ im still not giving u caffeine

 _Lily Evans:_ thats honestly so rude

 _James Potter:_ i put my foot down

 _James Potter:_ if u come in when im working tho ill give u free drinks

 _Lily Evans:_???!??!1??!

 _Lily Evans:_ wow ive never read anything better than that

 _James Potter:_ only requirement is that u have to talk to me tho

 _James Potter:_ in person

 _Lily Evans:_ will that make u seem cooler to ur friends

 _James Potter:_ no comment

 _Lily Evans:_ when do u work next

 _James Potter:_ friday, 3pm

 _Lily Evans:_ i’ll b there

\---

 _Peter Pettigrew_ to _moonlight brigade:_ do my eyes deceive me

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ just went through the drive thru of the cafe and saw james through the window

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ saw EVANS talking to him!?!?!??!?!

 _James Potter:_ lol yeah

 _James Potter:_ i told her id give her free drinks if she came in during my shifts

 _James Potter:_ jokingly said she’d have to talk to me in order to get them tho and surprisingly she agreed

 _James Potter:_ weve been talking for like 4 hours

 _James Potter:_ she says hi pete

 _Sirius Black:_ wot is happening

 _James Potter:_ she says get fucked sirius

 _James Potter:_ she also says love u @remus

 _Remus Lupin:_ I’m not surprised

 _Remus Lupin:_ Tell her I love her too

 _James Potter:_ wtf no im not ur messenger bitch do it urself

\---

 _Lily Evans_ to _James Potter:_ skldjfaweifjlaksd

 _Lily Evans:_ my head hurts so BAD

 _Lily Evans:_ are u at work

 _Lily Evans:_ i want decaf

 _Lily Evans:_ i cannot believe i just said that jem what have u done to me

 _James Potter:_ jem?

 _Lily Evans:_ 2 lazy 2 type ur full name

 _James Potter:_ its 2 additional letters

 _James Potter:_ why not just call me jam

 _Lily Evans:_ bc ur not preservatives

 _Lily Evans:_ and i like the nickname jem

 _Lily Evans:_ if u dont tho ill take it back

 _James Potter:_ i dont mind it

 _James Potter:_ kind of like it, actually

 _James Potter:_ and yes im at work ill make u a drink now

 _Lily Evans:_ fab be there in 5

\---

 _Remus Lupin_ to _Lily Evans:_ So how’s it going?

 _Lily Evans:_ im sure jem has told u everything already

 _Remus Lupin_ : Oh so he’s Jem now huh

 _Lily Evans:_ 2 lazy 2 type his full name

 _Remus Lupin:_ Sure

 _Lily Evans:_ didnt rly notice how fit he is til we started talking

 _Remus Lupin_ : Is that so

 _Lily Evans:_ if u tell him that ur dead

 _Remus Lupin:_ I would never betray ur trust like that

 _Lily Evans:_ <3

\---

 _James Potter_ to _Lily Evans:_ so i was thinking

 _James Potter:_ dad wants me to make a seasonal drink for the summer and i know that u like the iced decaf with that toffee and butterscotch

 _James Potter:_ was thinkin of calling it ‘evans’

 _James Potter:_ or maybe butterbeer?????

 _James Potter:_ dunno

 _James Potter:_ what do u think

 _Lily Evans:_ are u free right now

 _James Potter:_ yea

 _Lily Evans:_ if i text u my address can u come pick me up

 _Lily Evans:_ please

 _James Potter:_ of course

\---

 _James Potter_ to _Sirius Black:_ thank u for staying late for me

 _Sirius Black:_ ofc m8

 _Sirius Black:_ is she ok??

 _James Potter:_ she’s still crying

 _James Potter:_ idk what to do

 _Sirius Black:_ just be there for her

 _Sirius Black:_ s’why she asked u to come round

\---

 _James Potter_ to _Lily Evans:_ please let me know if there’s anything else i can do

 _James Potter:_ just call me if u ever need me and i will be there in 5 minutes

 _Lily Evans:_ ur house is 15 mins from mine

 _James Potter:_ id run every red light just to get to urs as quickly as humanly possible

 _James Potter:_ didnt know if that was evident or not

\---

 _Remus Lupin_ to _Lily Evans:_ James says u haven’t been answering his texts ??

 _Remus Lupin:_ Is everything ok

 _Lily Evans:_ i think he likes me

 _Remus Lupin:_ Cannot confirm or deny

 _Lily Evans:_ i think i like him

 _Remus Lupin:_ Think or know?

 _Lily Evans:_ know

 _Lily Evans:_ probably

 _Lily Evans:_ everything is hazy these days

 _Remus Lupin:_ Petunia is the one of the worst people I’ve ever met, u know

 _Remus Lupin:_ She has no right to treat u how she does

 _Lily Evans:_ she’ll be doing it for the rest of her life

 _Lily Evans:_ theres nothing i can do about it

 _Remus Lupin:_ U can stand up to her

 _Lily Evans:_ cant hurt mum after everything thats happened in our family

 _Remus Lupin:_ But u don’t have to be subject to how cruel she can be, Lily

 _Remus Lupin:_ U don’t deserve that

 _Lily Evans:_ maybe i do

 _Remus Lupin:_ Never think that for a fucking second

\---

 _Remus Lupin_ to _James Potter:_ Where are u

 _James Potter:_ work, why

 _Remus Lupin:_ Make me tea u coward I’m coming in

 _Remus Lupin:_ Get Pete to cover I have to talk to u

\---

 _James Potter_ to _Lily Evans:_ listen

 _James Potter:_ u dont have to feel the same way about me

 _James Potter:_ but i care about u a lot

 _James Potter:_ i just need to know that ur okay

 _James Potter:_ because id fucking kick someones ass if ur not

 _James Potter:_ u deserve the world and then some, really

 _James Potter:_ and u dont need to take shit from anyone

 _James Potter:_ ur lily fucking evans

 _Lily Evans:_ how much did remus tell u

 _James Potter:_ enough without going behind ur back

 _James Potter:_ dont hate him

 _Lily Evans:_ i would never

 _James Potter:_ dont hate me

 _Lily Evans:_ also would never

 _James Potter:_ my parents are fully prepared to offer u my bedroom should u need to get out of ur home

 _Lily Evans:_ ive never met ur parents b4

 _James Potter:_ my mum was the lady who looked like she owned 24 cats in the corner of the cafe last time u came round

 _Lily Evans:_ that was….ur mother

 _James Potter:_ told her not 2 approach u bc it might freak u out

 _James Potter:_ for the record, we only have 1 cat and hes fucking evil

 _Lily Evans:_ love him already

 _Lily Evans:_ ur parents are sweet to offer but i dont need that

 _Lily Evans:_ besides ??? where would u sleep

 _James Potter:_ i have a variety of options ranging from the couch to the basement

 _James Potter:_ sirius has adamantly refused to let me bunk with him

 _Lily Evans:_ quite rude of him

 _James Potter:_ eh

 _James Potter:_ he didnt refuse as quickly as i thought he would

 _Lily Evans:_ thank u, james

 _Lily Evans:_ for everything

 _Lily Evans:_ there is A Lot going on in my life right now and everything is Very unclear

 _Lily Evans:_ but there is one thing i kno for sure and thats that i really do like u

 _Lily Evans:_ and u are too good to me and i probably dont deserve it but i really do appreciate everything u have done for me

 _James Potter:_ u deserve everything good in this world, evans

 _James Potter:_ and i would quite like to take u on a date this weekend if u’ll let me

 _Lily Evans:_ will u give me coffee

 _James Potter:_ only if its decaf

 _Lily Evans:_ fuck

 _James Potter:_ sry for caring abt ur wellbeing

 _Lily Evans:_ someones gotta

 _James Potter:_ evans

 _Lily Evans:_ potter

 _James Potter:_ saturday i get off at 5

 _Lily Evans:_ ill come 2 the cafe at 2

 _James Potter:_ ill take u home with me

 _James Potter:_ mums making curry and honestly its To Die For

 _James Potter:_ we can watch a movie and u can cuddle my cat

 _Lily Evans:_ the cat thats evil???

 _James Potter:_ he’ll like u

 _Lily Evans:_ i would love that

\---

 _James Potter_ to _Lily Evans:_ help i cant find algernon

 _Lily Evans:_ i wouldnt worry about him

 _James Potter:_ ……….

 _James Potter:_ did u ask me for a jumper just so u could smuggle him out of my house

 _Lily Evans:_ i would never

 _Lily Evans:_ but yes

 _Lily Evans:_ he’ll be back tomorrow

 _James Potter:_ will u be back with him?

 _Lily Evans:_ obv we’re a package deal

 _Lily Evans:_ im jk i saw him slip through the basement door when i was leaving

 _James Potter:_ i was 10000% convinced u’d taken him

 _Lily Evans:_ i know it was pretty funny

 _Lily Evans:_ honored u’d let me take him tho

\---

 _Lily Evans_ to _bunch of fucking losers:_ petunia finally moved out of my fucking house!!!!!!

 _Lily Evans:_ so party at mine this weekend b there or b square

 _Sirius Black:_ LIT

 _Lily Evans:_ can u believe i lasted this long

 _Lily Evans:_ i only brought algernon over to fuck with her allergies five times

 _James Potter:_ ugh im so proud i love u

 _Sirius Black:_ ugh dont b fucking gross

 _Remus Lupin:_ Let them live

 _Lily Evans:_ i love u remus

 _James Potter:_???? dont b fucking gross

 

**Author's Note:**

> hey listen if i wrote a lily/james spiderman au would u read??? plz leave a comment and let me know


End file.
